Tuesday, March 23, 2004
Curtains for The Resort
Yep - it's all over.
If you humiliate yourself on a reality TV show, but no one watches it, did it really happen?
Yep - it's all over.
If you humiliate yourself on a reality TV show, but no one watches it, did it really happen?
Tuesday, March 09, 2004
Wanted: Head Chef
The Resort website has begun the search for a Head Chef. Here's the application form.
My favourite question: If you had one wish, what would it be?
Everyone's going to die of food poisoning. Awesome.
The Resort website has begun the search for a Head Chef. Here's the application form.
My favourite question: If you had one wish, what would it be?
Everyone's going to die of food poisoning. Awesome.
Friday, March 05, 2004
When too much to drink is barely enough
The Resort, episode four
Shout out to my episode watching buddy, who probably wants to remain nameless.
First: they show the longest montage of what will happen on this episode I have ever seen. I wonder why? They must be trying to counter the 'people switching channels early' effect. Hmm. Interesting.
So, David Tabs and Aaron went to greet the stranded guests and hang out with them (Tabs is going over Eva's dead body, as Eva thought she'd be much better at this gig. She's probably right.) I thought it a weird choice to send General Manager David to do the cushy stuff whilst there was real work back at the resort - but that's just me.
David thinks Tabs annoys everyone. Tabs and Aaron think David's incompotent. David gets really amusingly drunk (we even know this because the subtitles guys flash up his name as "David: intoxicated general manager".
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Bec is the 'assistant GM'. Every time they flash this up on the screen, I think I'm watching a D&D role playing session. Christ I'm a a geek. We observe Bec's managing skills, as she yells at Eva and Beau to do more work. Eva makes a 'she sucks' face to the camera.
Tabs gets sent back to the Resort - ostensibly because they need more work there, the 'real reason' being that David thinks she's annoying and hostile to the guests. Tabs thinks that David's sending her home because she's 'playing the game' and she's so cool, she's 'too much of a threat'. Sure, darling. Tabs works up her own backstabbing effort - convincing most of the Flunkies back on the Resort that David is crap, and needs replacing. It's like Shakespeare, or Homer - the absent ruler breeding discontent and angst amongst the ranks. The heads huddle together. The axe is poised.
Filler. More filler. After their arrival on Sunday, the guests finally make it out to The Resort - I think on Wednesday? much fanfare. The unveiling of the 'uniforms' the cast have to wear. Naturally, Eva wants to wear her improbably high heeled shoes. Naturally, Tabs kicks up a stink about it. Naturally, David's "leadership" renders him unable to deliver any sort of ultimatum either way. Seriously: shoes. Who cares?
Then basically a montage of pissed of guests. Everything is wrong! Some of the guests blame this particuarly on David, and take him aside to deliver a lecture. You can so see he has this 'yeah, whatever' expression on his face the whole time. We see a few different pieces to camera where he talks about the other flunkies - "we all arrived as equals on this island, but some of us have . . . been elevated." Dude, the only place you've been elevated is up your own arse.
Guests complain that Aaron is so much cooler than David. All of them manage to avoid saying 'and he's so dreamy!', which makes them sound at least like they're a little impartial.
The Flunkies decide on a 'no alcohol' rule whilst they're on duty. Even though they're all talking generally, this is clearly aimed at two people - David, who was drinking earlier, and Rambo, who we see getting pissed with a couple of guests in his capacity as party organiser / bar entertainer. Rambo looks really annoyed at the 'no alcohol' development, but doesn't say anything. Man. If I was one of these guys, I'd be wanting to drink myself into a depressed stupor every night too. Tough break, dude.
There's never enough food. Eva comes out of it pretty well as the food manager though. I think she's going to show the most surprising longevity of everyone on the show, because even though she's really, really annoying on TV, she's the perfect extrovert 'I'll solve all your problems and listen to your life story' hotel manager. My money's on her to reach the top three at least - which wouldn't have been my guess when this show started.
But . . the most exciting thing that happened on this show was a showdown between Jon, Cruise Director, Eva and Beau. In a really last minute moment of 'confrontation' (again - someone looked at their watch and thought - shit! we haven't had a shot of Jon being assertive!) - Cruise Director andJon confront Beau about being slack. Beau pathetically whinges that he has no experience in anything. Whatever. Eva then turns up, and somehow, Beau's inability to do anything becomes her fault - because she's 'leaving him hanging' int the romantic sense. CD and Jon insist that she tell Beau once and for all how she feels about him, because otherwise Beau won't get his act together.
Seriously! I can't begin to say how completely fucking inappropriate that is. Not Eva's problem! So not Eva's problem! Eva looks horribly embarassed, kind of laughs then looks like she's going to cry. She tells Beau that she's not interested, and Beau said he pretty much knew that anyway. Exactly. So why put Eva through this farce? If Jon and CD were managers, Eva would have a real case for sexual harassment or inappropriate conduct, for suggesting that puppy dog crushes that guys develop on her are her responsibility, and bad for the team's ability to work. Then again, I guess this kind of pathetic 'trying to stir up contraversy' is par for the course on a reality TV show.
In real life I would want to kill Eva in five minutes flat. I can't believe I'm always on her side.
End of the week. The guests rate the flunkies. Although the results of this week don't count, from next week, two negative results on a test will result in eviction. (does this mean the eventual winners will be trying to run the entire resort on their own? that would be funny). The guests hate Tabs, showing suprising taste for people who are prepared to fork out over $1000 a head for a reality TV show 'holiday'. Tabs looks like she's going to kill them one by one, and even starts asking people who voted for her, but fortunately they're all headed of the island, so bloodshed is avoided.
Damn.
Next week: they tease us with a potential leadership coup, but it's so not gonna happen. These guys couldn't select a roulette number, let alone another GM. Aaron says he's sick of some girl 'playing him' - the editing implies he's talking about Bec, but I really doubt it. Those sneaky editors!
The Resort, episode four
Shout out to my episode watching buddy, who probably wants to remain nameless.
First: they show the longest montage of what will happen on this episode I have ever seen. I wonder why? They must be trying to counter the 'people switching channels early' effect. Hmm. Interesting.
So, David Tabs and Aaron went to greet the stranded guests and hang out with them (Tabs is going over Eva's dead body, as Eva thought she'd be much better at this gig. She's probably right.) I thought it a weird choice to send General Manager David to do the cushy stuff whilst there was real work back at the resort - but that's just me.
David thinks Tabs annoys everyone. Tabs and Aaron think David's incompotent. David gets really amusingly drunk (we even know this because the subtitles guys flash up his name as "David: intoxicated general manager".
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Bec is the 'assistant GM'. Every time they flash this up on the screen, I think I'm watching a D&D role playing session. Christ I'm a a geek. We observe Bec's managing skills, as she yells at Eva and Beau to do more work. Eva makes a 'she sucks' face to the camera.
Tabs gets sent back to the Resort - ostensibly because they need more work there, the 'real reason' being that David thinks she's annoying and hostile to the guests. Tabs thinks that David's sending her home because she's 'playing the game' and she's so cool, she's 'too much of a threat'. Sure, darling. Tabs works up her own backstabbing effort - convincing most of the Flunkies back on the Resort that David is crap, and needs replacing. It's like Shakespeare, or Homer - the absent ruler breeding discontent and angst amongst the ranks. The heads huddle together. The axe is poised.
Filler. More filler. After their arrival on Sunday, the guests finally make it out to The Resort - I think on Wednesday? much fanfare. The unveiling of the 'uniforms' the cast have to wear. Naturally, Eva wants to wear her improbably high heeled shoes. Naturally, Tabs kicks up a stink about it. Naturally, David's "leadership" renders him unable to deliver any sort of ultimatum either way. Seriously: shoes. Who cares?
Then basically a montage of pissed of guests. Everything is wrong! Some of the guests blame this particuarly on David, and take him aside to deliver a lecture. You can so see he has this 'yeah, whatever' expression on his face the whole time. We see a few different pieces to camera where he talks about the other flunkies - "we all arrived as equals on this island, but some of us have . . . been elevated." Dude, the only place you've been elevated is up your own arse.
Guests complain that Aaron is so much cooler than David. All of them manage to avoid saying 'and he's so dreamy!', which makes them sound at least like they're a little impartial.
The Flunkies decide on a 'no alcohol' rule whilst they're on duty. Even though they're all talking generally, this is clearly aimed at two people - David, who was drinking earlier, and Rambo, who we see getting pissed with a couple of guests in his capacity as party organiser / bar entertainer. Rambo looks really annoyed at the 'no alcohol' development, but doesn't say anything. Man. If I was one of these guys, I'd be wanting to drink myself into a depressed stupor every night too. Tough break, dude.
There's never enough food. Eva comes out of it pretty well as the food manager though. I think she's going to show the most surprising longevity of everyone on the show, because even though she's really, really annoying on TV, she's the perfect extrovert 'I'll solve all your problems and listen to your life story' hotel manager. My money's on her to reach the top three at least - which wouldn't have been my guess when this show started.
But . . the most exciting thing that happened on this show was a showdown between Jon, Cruise Director, Eva and Beau. In a really last minute moment of 'confrontation' (again - someone looked at their watch and thought - shit! we haven't had a shot of Jon being assertive!) - Cruise Director andJon confront Beau about being slack. Beau pathetically whinges that he has no experience in anything. Whatever. Eva then turns up, and somehow, Beau's inability to do anything becomes her fault - because she's 'leaving him hanging' int the romantic sense. CD and Jon insist that she tell Beau once and for all how she feels about him, because otherwise Beau won't get his act together.
Seriously! I can't begin to say how completely fucking inappropriate that is. Not Eva's problem! So not Eva's problem! Eva looks horribly embarassed, kind of laughs then looks like she's going to cry. She tells Beau that she's not interested, and Beau said he pretty much knew that anyway. Exactly. So why put Eva through this farce? If Jon and CD were managers, Eva would have a real case for sexual harassment or inappropriate conduct, for suggesting that puppy dog crushes that guys develop on her are her responsibility, and bad for the team's ability to work. Then again, I guess this kind of pathetic 'trying to stir up contraversy' is par for the course on a reality TV show.
In real life I would want to kill Eva in five minutes flat. I can't believe I'm always on her side.
End of the week. The guests rate the flunkies. Although the results of this week don't count, from next week, two negative results on a test will result in eviction. (does this mean the eventual winners will be trying to run the entire resort on their own? that would be funny). The guests hate Tabs, showing suprising taste for people who are prepared to fork out over $1000 a head for a reality TV show 'holiday'. Tabs looks like she's going to kill them one by one, and even starts asking people who voted for her, but fortunately they're all headed of the island, so bloodshed is avoided.
Damn.
Next week: they tease us with a potential leadership coup, but it's so not gonna happen. These guys couldn't select a roulette number, let alone another GM. Aaron says he's sick of some girl 'playing him' - the editing implies he's talking about Bec, but I really doubt it. Those sneaky editors!
Tuesday, March 02, 2004
Dude Where's My Resort?
The Resort, Episode Three
Dredging my memory.
We got to see the medical emergency reported in some of the newspapers a while back - I blogged about it when it appeared, so scroll down if you care. Fratboy is ill. Prachi does her doctor routine and recommends hospital for suspected appendicitis. But on the way out, Fratboy's boat collides with another boat (I'm bad, but I still think this is kinda funny in a Keystone cops way). Drama! Head injuries all round - some actually did sound quite serious. Which removes it from the realm of slapstick, as you don't get that kind of injury from a cream pie.
Are there such things as cream pies, outside comedy? just curious. I've never eaten one.
Prachi then does some more stuff which sounds skillful (ie: inserting an IV line). So Prachi is everyone's hero. Never mind that when Fratboy finally makes it to a hospital, his appendicitis turns out to be some other kind of mild infection, which makes me think that everyone's just lucky Prachi didn't bandage their feet and prescribe jumping up and down on the spot.
In other news. More renovation. More fighting. Everyone's fought with everyone by now. Aaron and Bec are apparently on. Eva and Beau are apparently off. He feels betrayed, and like she's not the person he thought. After ten days. This crazy world!
At some point everyone gets uppity about Rambo's non leadership, as his style involves doing lots of work and not being great about delegating and ensuring everyone else's work gets done. Rambo is replaced as leader by David, the 'gay and proud of it' singer. David's style of leadership is not to do much work, be crap at delegating, and also fails to ensure much work gets done. Vast improvement, gang.
But this show did allow me to formulate Reality TV Rule #3. Rambo angsted direct to camera that he was nervous about facing Prachi one morning, since she was still angry at him for her near-eviction last week. Cruise Director raised this at a group meeting - essentially telling everyone what Rambo had said in his piece to camera. It was just so wrong! . . . why the hell should anyone say anything honest to camera, if they know they're going to be quoted out of context at the next group meeting?
Hence: Reality TV Rule #3: a monologue by a reality TV contestant should have the seal of the confessional - it doesn't get heard until it's aired on national TV. Just like with the real confessional. (OK, you caught me, I'm not Catholic. Moving on.)
In the last bit of bizarre filler, they have a painful 'let's lighten up' sketch night where everyone had to come up with something to 'entertain' the troops. We see nothing from all the contestants who are allegedly singers or actors. We see way too much from everyone who associates 'sketch' with 'cross-dressing as a woman'.
With that, the ten days time limit has elapsed. And surprise, the Resort isn't ready for guests! I know. I was completely blown away myself.
When the first lot of guests arrive, they have to be put into temporary accommodation. I hope they complain. It'll be hilarious. Channel Ten will be able to say 'you booked this holiday knowing exactly how incompetent these people are! don't come crying to us!'
Oh, and by the way? It is monsoon season. I guess Tabs was right. Fuck.
The Resort, Episode Three
Dredging my memory.
We got to see the medical emergency reported in some of the newspapers a while back - I blogged about it when it appeared, so scroll down if you care. Fratboy is ill. Prachi does her doctor routine and recommends hospital for suspected appendicitis. But on the way out, Fratboy's boat collides with another boat (I'm bad, but I still think this is kinda funny in a Keystone cops way). Drama! Head injuries all round - some actually did sound quite serious. Which removes it from the realm of slapstick, as you don't get that kind of injury from a cream pie.
Are there such things as cream pies, outside comedy? just curious. I've never eaten one.
Prachi then does some more stuff which sounds skillful (ie: inserting an IV line). So Prachi is everyone's hero. Never mind that when Fratboy finally makes it to a hospital, his appendicitis turns out to be some other kind of mild infection, which makes me think that everyone's just lucky Prachi didn't bandage their feet and prescribe jumping up and down on the spot.
In other news. More renovation. More fighting. Everyone's fought with everyone by now. Aaron and Bec are apparently on. Eva and Beau are apparently off. He feels betrayed, and like she's not the person he thought. After ten days. This crazy world!
At some point everyone gets uppity about Rambo's non leadership, as his style involves doing lots of work and not being great about delegating and ensuring everyone else's work gets done. Rambo is replaced as leader by David, the 'gay and proud of it' singer. David's style of leadership is not to do much work, be crap at delegating, and also fails to ensure much work gets done. Vast improvement, gang.
But this show did allow me to formulate Reality TV Rule #3. Rambo angsted direct to camera that he was nervous about facing Prachi one morning, since she was still angry at him for her near-eviction last week. Cruise Director raised this at a group meeting - essentially telling everyone what Rambo had said in his piece to camera. It was just so wrong! . . . why the hell should anyone say anything honest to camera, if they know they're going to be quoted out of context at the next group meeting?
Hence: Reality TV Rule #3: a monologue by a reality TV contestant should have the seal of the confessional - it doesn't get heard until it's aired on national TV. Just like with the real confessional. (OK, you caught me, I'm not Catholic. Moving on.)
In the last bit of bizarre filler, they have a painful 'let's lighten up' sketch night where everyone had to come up with something to 'entertain' the troops. We see nothing from all the contestants who are allegedly singers or actors. We see way too much from everyone who associates 'sketch' with 'cross-dressing as a woman'.
With that, the ten days time limit has elapsed. And surprise, the Resort isn't ready for guests! I know. I was completely blown away myself.
When the first lot of guests arrive, they have to be put into temporary accommodation. I hope they complain. It'll be hilarious. Channel Ten will be able to say 'you booked this holiday knowing exactly how incompetent these people are! don't come crying to us!'
Oh, and by the way? It is monsoon season. I guess Tabs was right. Fuck.
